Thursday, October 15, 2015

Learning Where I Belong

The other day I got an email from my boss asking for some updates on how things were going. One thing she wanted to know was something that God has revealed to us over the last month or so. I had to think about it but I realized that God has been showing me how I'm different...and how that's not a bad thing.
For example, my language skills are coming along for sure. I understand a lot about the mechanics and grammar. But, my actual conversation skills are...well...lacking. The other day my teacher told me that she is always surprised to read what I have written because it is beautiful and articulate. However, she said that when I talk I sound like a crazy person! I had to laugh because I know that I am forever mixing up verb conjugations and pronouns. My teacher tells me to stop inventing things at least once a week. I'm sure that I do sound kind of crazy! This is part of what makes me different. It takes me awhile to think of what I want to say. I'd rather write something down so that I can think about how I want to address the situation.

The more I thought about it though, I'm that way in general anyways (not that I talk like a crazy person, just that I write better than I speak). The way that I write has always been more eloquent than the way that I speak. In general, I spend a lot of time in thought. That is definitely different from a lot of the people I'm around. I feel like everyone always has something to say! Not that this is a bad thing but I often spend time just listening to conversations. Again, I've always been this way though. One of my roommates was telling me the other day that I need to talk more, just talk. I told her though that it's hard for me to "just talk."

For awhile I've been kind of stressed about this. I've been feeling like I need to step up my game, work harder, or something. But when I thought about what God is revealing to me I realized, I am who I am and what I have to offer will meet the specific needs of some of the kids here. Already God has been showing me this and I've been ignoring it! Every time I go to PeriČ™ there are 4 or 5 kids who run up to me and want to me to "go on a walk" with them. This means we spend 10 or 15 minutes walking up and down the driveway while the kids talk and I listen. That's it. I don't have to offer advice. I just listen. Maybe I ask a question or two or reassure them, but mostly I listen. And that's what these kids want to do with me! And, frankly, I'm good at listening :)

Calin, one of my walking buddies.
Raluca who likes me to just hold her.
 So, instead of trying to fit a mold that I think people want me to be, I'm going to be me. I'm going to think before I speak (and hopefully I will think quicker in Romanian so I can speak quicker when I do have something to say) and I will probably still spend most of my time listening and thinking. Because I know that this is just what some of these kids need.
Alina who told me she wanted to stay beside me all day.
Alex, another one of my walking buddies.

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