Thursday, January 19, 2017

When God Lets You Know It's Going to be Ok

Being a missionary in a foreign field can be challenging. We all have days that make us want to throw up our hands and scream but adding in cultural differences, language barriers, and physical separation from family and loved ones can make the struggle very real very quick.

Yesterday was one of those days that was a challenge for me. Let me explain that one thing I am praying for this year is to be reminded that each of these kids is dealing with demons. And some of those demons are very large and very scary. By praying that I will remember what these kids are dealing with I am also praying that I will have patience when dealing with them. I find myself sometimes getting frustrated with the kids when they act out because I so quickly forget that they are dealing with massive amounts of trauma and hurt. Well, you know that you should never pray for patience, right? Because to get more patience you have to have your patience tested. Yesterday there were a lot of things testing my patience, the lovely children I work with being one of those things. As it turns out, yesterday was a real struggle for my co-workers too so we packed it up and headed out much earlier than any of us had anticipated.

The whole way home I was thinking to myself and praying. I was thankful that I had not gone completely nut-so on the kids (I only raised my voice once and it was more of a loud talking voice than a yell). But I was also frustrated by so many other things. And I wasn't sure if I was handling any of it right. I prayed that God would take away my feelings of frustration. I was eventually able to simmer down after I arrived home and engaged myself with some non-work related items.

Fast forward to today.

I'm unpacking my therapy bags from yesterday to repack them for the classes that I had to lead today when I came across this:

It was a drawing from one of the girls at the orphanage. I remembered her giving it to me and saying a quick thank you but not really looking at it. In the heart it reads "I love you" and "I love you lots" and at the bottom it says "I love you, Melissa." The girl who gave this to me is one of our hard kids. She curses like a sailor and sneers more often than she smiles. But somewhere in the last six months she has decided that we (meaning my co-workers and I) are ok. I especially feel a special connection to her. Maybe because I like the tough kids. They're usually some of the sweetest kids if you can manage to break through the tough exterior.

Seeing this simple message made me stop in my tracks. It was as if God had reached out to me in that moment and said, "It's going to be ok." And I realized it is. Tomorrow may suck, the day after it my be rough too, but one day things will be a little less sucky and a little less rough. The kids are never going to all act like little angels (I'd actually be afraid they were on drugs if that happened) and there will still be challenges that are bigger than us that we won't be able to overcome without some serious inside help. But things are changing. The kids are getting better. Maybe in tiny increments that are nearly impossible to see. But they are. And even when they misbehave and lash out at us because they have hurts they can't handle they know that we love them and that we can be the stability they need in their lives.

So, if tomorrow sucks I'll just look at this picture again and think, "It's going to be ok."

P.S. Today was much better and hardly sucked at all.


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  2. Melissa. I have admittedly not ready your blogs on a while bc God has held me back from Romania this last year for good purposes and He is doing a deep work in me that I didn't even know I needed (I.e showing me that I viewed myself as an orphan myself due to early childhood trauma and if I have any desire to minister to the orphans I cannot be one myself, I need to be healed and whole so I can minister and preach the identity of a child of God and a whole daughter/son of the living King, King of Kings, Lord or Lords, with citizenship and sonship of the Kingdom, with a Kingdom and Abba loved child identity...take that one in for a large pill to swallow!) So it's been a painful and uncharted journey to say the least which is why I have kept my heart from diving into Romania matters this last year in total preservation when I didn't know what God was doing and was terrified and heartbroken to not go!)

    What I do want to tell you is this. You are spot on in your first paragraph and it took me 5 trips to discover that but by the grace and and patience and kindness of our Jesus, He showed me right before my wilderness sojourn this, so I could know a) how to pray for the children and b) WHO is in inside me who is greater than all and greater than those demons. He who is in you is greater than He who is in the word, Melissa - John 1 4:4

    The spiritual battle is real and what the kids face and battle daily is unbelievably real and it can be deeply exhausting and overwhelming at times to confront and speak LIFE over. But I emplore you to keep fighting the good fight of faith (and I know you will and already have and do daily) and keep the faith that your Jesus is in you, with you, and all around you and His Heavenly presence will no doubt in His time drive out the darkness and the demons that are trying to go against the freedom and new Identity that Christ wants to give those beautiful kids!

    I love you and I'm praying for you and praying for the recharging presence of the Holy Spirit to refresh your soul so you can keep doing the mighty kingdom work you have been chosen to do! God bless you sweet sister!! Xoxo