Language Learning

The other day, after my language lessons, I met up with my friend Talitha and we went to visit the kids at Periș. We didn't have anything planned to do, we just wanted to hang out with them. I played a little basketball, which turned into a "Keep the Ball Away from Melissa" game, and then spent some time just relaxing with the kids.

At one point, one of the boys says to me, "Let's take a walk." So we get up and amble over to some shady space and sit down. Then a very special thing happened, this 16 year old boy started to open up to me about his life.

It was an awesome moment for me, this is, after all, why I came to Romania. I long for these moments when the kids trust me and tell me when something is on their minds.

This boy shared with me some struggles he was facing, some decisions that he had made (and seemed to regret now), and his issues with school. I asked a few questions and shared a few thoughts with him. However, for me, there was one thing hanging over my head throughout the whole incident: the language barrier.

I know (from personal experience and from research) that just being present is the biggest part of the battle. But something inside me still longs to be able to give some words of comfort, love, and guidance. And, while I understand a lot of what is said, I still don't have it 100%. And when you can't understand fully what the child is telling you, how can you find the words (in your limited vocabulary) to speak to his heart?

I know that God is bigger than any language barrier. I know that the Holy Spirit speaks to the heart when our words cannot. But I also want to be able to audibly speak the love and encouragement of Christ to these kids.

Iubim copii noștrii: We love our kids.

So, my biggest prayer request right now is that you would pray for me as I learn Romanian. I am not even a month in and I already have a sense of longing in my heart to learn as much as I can as fast as I can (I'm not exactly patient). Pray that I will grasp all that my teacher is teaching me. Pray that I will memorize what I need to memorize. Pray that I will be able to practice what I have learned. Pray for understanding of what is being spoken around me. Pray that God will give me wisdom and understanding of this language so that I can be the most efficient vessel I can be. And pray for patience when something doesn't come easily to me.

And please pray for our kiddos. To open up their lives to us is a big step and I never want to miss a chance to show them a glimpse of God.

Why is God so Good?

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. - 1 Peter 5:8-10 (NIV)

Why do I have such a hard time believing that God is good? Just this weekend God used someone close to me to teach me that the devil is alive and he will come after those who seek God at the times they are the weakest. He will catch them in a moment when their guard is down. When they think, "I've got this. No big deal," he will try to devour. And God will let him. Because we should always be alert. It's tiring, yes, but God has called us to bigger and better things.

I have asked that God refine me and prepare me for the next step, to go out to the nations and share His love. Just a reminder folks, don't pray for something if you don't mean it. Whenever I try to tell God, "Ok, ok...I get it...I've got it under control." God gently but firmly says, "You need to give this over to me. You need to let it go. We can't move forward when you are still holding onto this earthly thing. I have something bigger for you. But you have to admit you are powerless. Then I will make you strong." What a hard lesson to learn sometimes! And, man, I can be stubborn too!

But, God is good.

The verse above says that "after a little while" God will "restore you." God's timing is always so...unpredictable. Sometimes "a little while" means several years and sometimes it means just a few hours. But I always think, in my humanness, that God will drag out the teaching. He'll drag out my "punishment" if you will. I have a hard time believing the good things I receive after I have just been a sinner in my finest: I wake up reconciled with others but I still walk around on egg shells. Do I not believe that God can restore relationships? I find a message from someone I admire reaching out to connect with little ol' me. Do I not believe that God will open doors for me? Do I not believe that God is good? Do I not believe when He says He will give me "a crown of beauty instead of ashes"? Why do I always think that I deserve eternal punishment when God says, "I'm waiting for you to turn to me so I can bring you blessings"?

Wow...how sad that I do this ALL. THE. TIME. And then, worst of all, I miss out on the blessings because I'm still wallowing in the guilt of my sin.

Y'all, God is good. He loves us so much, even when we totally don't deserve it. He wants to teach us, not to punish us, but to bring us to greater joy, to draw us closer to Him, to pour out blessings. He wants us to turn away from things that look good on the outside but will end up hurting us. The next time I have a setback (and it will happen because I'm just a human being after all) I hope I remember this.

I'm Not Perfect

Sometimes I think that I've got the following Jesus thing down pretty well. But the reality is, I'm painfully not perfect. Far from it. For every one thing that I have going for me in the "Example of Christ" category I have at least three things in the "Needs Improvement" category.

Recently, I began to regularly pray that God would convict me of anything standing in the way of our relationship so I could repent thus allowing God to restore the relationship.

Be careful what you pray for.

Last night I had a coming to Jesus moment where He shone a spotlight on a sin that I needed to repent of. Now, sometimes God corrects with a gentle word. Other times a fire. I feel I'm pretty thick so usually the fire method gets through to me quickest. And last night there were sparks. All I could do was pray, "Oh God, please..." and let Jesus fill in the rest because I was so scared in that moment all I could do was call on the Creator of the Universe and hope He would understand my plight.

And He did. I sat there in that moment thinking of how I could have just derailed my future, the future God had set up for me. But He didn't let that happen. He got my attention and then had mercy on me. I took me all of 30 seconds to repent and decide that I was never going to put myself in that position again. I realized that the earthly pleasure, it just wasn't worth it, not at all.

Now, sin comes with a price. While I was spared the huge brunt of what could have been (and maybe should have been) an epic smack down, I still have to accept some repercussions. That meant that last night I did not get much sleep...tossing and turning, couldn't get comfortable, too hot then too cold...but it was a reminder of the promise that I had made, that I was turning from my sin. When I woke up or rather, got out of bed (since I was pretty much already awake) this morning I knew that God would have a word for me. The first thing that popped up when I opened my Bible app was:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies..." 2 Corinthians 1:3 (emphasis added)

Yes, yes He is the Father of mercies.

Then I hopped on Twitter and saw this:

Yep, spot on.

So, in summary: I'm not perfect. Not one bit. I still have a lot that I need to get right in my life. And God is working on me. And I'm so thankful that He does so as my loving Father. And I'm so glad He didn't give me an epic smack down.

A Lesson in Life

Today I got schooled by God...not always a good thing. Let me begin back at this morning...

I woke up early because I had to go to the doctor to get blood drawn. My Sleep Cycle app confirmed my fears, I'd slept like crap last night.

Yep, quality at 45%. Sounds about right.

I got ready and left the house only 15 minutes later than I wanted. A quick stop at the doctor's and I was off to put gas in my car and then run by Wal-Mart and pick up some thank you notes I'd ordered.

I arrive at Wal-Mart at about 9:15 and head back to the photo center. The nice associate looks for my cards in the stack and can't find them. She apologizes and looks in a few more places. No cards. She goes to check the computer but the system is off line and she can't look up my order. I'm getting a little hacked because this isn't the first time this has happened (they've lost my order before). I thank the girl for her help and sulk out of the store.

The longer I think about this the more upset I get. So, I take to social media and blast Wal-Mart via Twitter. I correspond with two customer service people via Wal-Mart's Twitter feed and they send me an email address to contact them at. I jump on my computer tonight prepared to write a nice little snarky letter. As I'm typing my email I'm looking at the email that Wal-Mart sent with my confirmation. And then I see it: the address to the store. Instead of saying Centerville (where I stopped today and where I usually shop) it says Snellville. I hit the link and, sure enough, it takes me a map of the Wal-Mart across town from the one where I went this morning. I had gone to the wrong store.

I know when to admit that I'm wrong. I ate crow and posted a lame apology on Twitter. Whatever the customer service team at Wal-Mart has to say about me is totally justified. I was out of line. I spoke without thinking. I let my emotions run unchecked. It was wrong. And that was when the lesson hit me...I need to learn to check and double check before I get angry because, if I don't, my anger may not be justified. If Wal-Mart had really lost my order then I might have a reason to get upset. But when I'm an idiot and don't look at the store where I'm sending my order and then go to the wrong store for pick up, then my anger isn't justified and I have no one to blame but myself.

Also, I need better/more sleep so that I'm not so quick to grouch. But that's a secondary lesson.

If I end up on some Buzzfeed article next week I can't say I didn't deserve it.

New Year

I truly love days where you are forced to just rest and be still. Today, most shops are closed (or should be), there is no work to rush off to, no obligations to attend to. I'm thankful for this kind of day. They are so very few and far between. I was looking back at what I was doing this time last year and, in some ways, I was much less "busy" then than I am now. I feel a real weight of responsibilities at work that never seem to end and I feel a constant "push" at my back that reminds me the job is never finished. Strangely though, I'm nowhere near as anxious or stressed as I would have been this time last year with this much responsibility hanging over my head. God, in his sovereignty, taught me how to rest in Him and cast off my anxiety in anticipation of this moment. He taught me to sense when work was starting to overwhelm me and to step back and assess rather than get caught up in the moment and be swept away by fear and doubt. While I certainly wish most days that I had another 24 hours to accomplish all that needs to be done, I just do what I can and move on. I'm learning to look at a job and think, "How can this be done more efficiently? Who needs to be trained to help with this task? How can I train them in the way that is most beneficial to me and to them?" I know that learning to think this way is going to serve me well in the future. I look at systems and I see the brokenness. But it's not enough for me to recognize that they system is broken, God has placed a desire in my heart to fix the system and heal the people affected. Through this healing process God's power and goodness are revealed. I only pray that God continues to give me wisdom and guidance because I'm definitely the least qualified for the job!

I praise God that today is a day when I can feel the "push" ease a little. Where I can see that things may never get easier and the burden may never get lighter but that I am getting stronger. I'm so grateful for a moment to rest and be away from the responsibilities, even just for a minute. I pray that God will continue to provide these days throughout this year at just the time I need them.

Gettin' Schooled

Today I started back to school...kind of. I started taking Romanian language lessons! I'm so very thankful that God provided a good teacher for me. She is obviously knowledgeable and quickly took me back to the basics. She told me that I need to "learn words." Haha! Isn't that an understatement! She told me that conjugations and tenses were easy, I would learn those, for now I just needed to work on learning words that would help me have conversations. Which makes sense. Usually you learn to speak a language before you ever learn to read or write it. Why do we always try and learn a second language by writing everything and working exercises in books? Did you do grammar worksheets when you were 4? Probably not but I bet you still knew how to speak pretty well. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to learn how to speak...and how to listen. I'm not an aural learner by any means. I'm a visual person which is why I can read Romanian a bit better than I can speak it. When people ask me questions in Romanian I have to really concentrate to make sure I hear everything correctly. After listening to them long enough care, când, and câti all start to run together...

My teacher sent me home with 3 pages of homework, an encouragement ("You will learn it!"), and a promise to help whenever I needed it. I wish I could meet with her 3 times a week so I could get all this faster but I'm very grateful that I was able to find someone near me who is willing to teach me. Hopefully I will learn a lot before I see my kids again!

Getting a lesson in "from," "on," "with," and a whole bunch of other connecting words.

Just have about 40 sentences to write...should be able to knock that out real quick...

Good thing I got a head start on those notecards...