Sunday, April 20, 2014

Counting my Blessings: Week 10

1.-10. Rescue and redemption through the sacrifice at the cross and Jesus' resurrection.

Really this blessing could count for my entire life. It was good to be reminded at church today how I was saved from condemnation by a God who never intends or wants to condemn us. I have called to Him from a place of despair and He heard me and rescued me because He loves me. Not because I'm good enough, not because I could ever do enough but because He loves me. It still baffles me. It's hard to fathom that anyone could love me and my messy, messed up, off the tracks life to step in and take the blame for all those messy, messed up, off the tracks things I did and save me. I deserved to be left to my own doom but I don't have to fear that because I have an amazing and gracious Savior who LOVES ME.

And the amazing thing is that He loves all creation. Every single person is precious to Him. I wish I could say that...that I look on my fellow man with love and compassion. But I don't always do that. It's horrible but I'm human and I don't love others like I should. I'm trying. Some days I try harder than others and some days it's easier than others. In my line of work I'm learning to look at the situation from all sides: to love our kids in their brokenness and heartache, to love their parents with all their wrongdoings and poor choices, to love the politicians and law makers who make the work harder...and I'm getting there. Thankfully, I'm not God. Because His love is automatic. It's knee jerk. It's infinite. It's everything our human love would like to be but isn't.

I struggle. I struggle. SO. MUCH. I'm fearful and afraid and worried and anxious. Sometimes I want to lie down when I should be getting up. I drive through neighborhoods and want a little retro house with a white picket fence, a husband, some kids, and a screened in porch for my cat. I want to read US Weekly instead of the latest update on Ukraine or U.S./Russian politics. I want to melt into the woodwork sometimes when I know I was made to go against the grain. Today was a good day though. A day when Jesus reminded me He is alive and He is here among us. The Holy Spirit is alive and well. I need to get out of this world and do what I'm called for. And I know it will fill my soul.

I'm still going to keep struggling. God didn't promise easy, just that He would never leave us. And if you are struggling, and sinking, on your own Jesus will lift you too. All you have to do is cry out for rescue.

Counting my Blessings Weeks 1-9 here.

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