Thursday, April 3, 2014

New Mercies

I had a friend one who would say that God is always timely and always relevant. I believe that and especially on a day like today. My devotional this morning was on how God's mercies are new every morning. It talked about letting go of the past and starting fresh every year, month, day, and even hour.

These last two weeks have been killer. I feel as though I've been going on and on about it but working so much has taken a lot out of me. For the past two weeks I worked 12 hours Monday-Friday (except for the 1st Friday, that was a normal day). Last weekend I worked 6 hours on both Saturday and Sunday. I have been working for 10 days straight as of this morning, going on day 11. It's not even the working 24/7, it's the type of work. Reading files 2 or 3 times; checking dates, names, billing codes, authorizations; making correction after correction after correction...some of which aren't even on your work! It's stressful and, frankly, my "Give-A-Crap Meter" is officially broken.

I try not to let it show too much that I'm exhausted and I just want to be left alone but I'm not very successful at it I fear. I spent most of yesterday complaining to my friend in medical records, trying to bite my tongue and not spread gossip all over the office, and generally looking like I was about to murder the next person who sent an email to me. Last night as I lay in bed I did not have good feelings about yesterday. I should be more patient, more forgiving, set a better example, exude Christ more...blah, blah, blah...ugh! Why is it so hard to be a good example of Christ to others!

I'm a constant screw up. Like, on the outside things may look ok for awhile but a lot of times if you could see my thoughts and my heart and my motivations and all the inside bits...well, different story going on. No one is perfect but sometimes I really struggle to maintain any type of love for my fellow man. The worst part is I know and expect certain things to ruffle my feathers but, when they do, instead of preparing a sane and calm rebuttal, I generally tend to flip out. I love to throw pity parties, throw people under the bus, and generally justify my snarky attitude.

Right now I'm so ready for the weekend I could cry. Half of the office took the week off to recuperate but I don't have that luxury right now. Unfortunately, our department brings in the clients so we can have work to do and we can't just up and leave on short notice. I'm trying not to be bitter about it. I'm trying not to lash out at co-workers who work my nerves. I'm trying not to complain too loudly. I'm trying to care about my work because, really, I enjoy what I do...but even Jesus took time to himself every once in awhile and sent the crowds away.

Thank you Lord for new mercies every day. If yesterday could be stricken from the records, please, I'll try again today.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end; 
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
-Lamentations 3:22-23

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