Starting Ministry

As some of you may know, here at Heart to Heart we have two ministry "seasons." We have summer ministry which runs primarily through the month of July but often includes several weeks in June and August and our school year ministry which runs the rest of the year (September through June when the kids are in school). We concluded with our summer ministry a few months ago and have been preparing to start our school year ministry over the months of August and September. The kids officially started school on September 12th but it usually takes several weeks to get schedules set and classes in order. We were finally able to get enough of a program set that this week we kicked off school year ministry activities.

On Monday we opened the transition houses. We trekked down to Nenculesti with the boys to help them get settled into their new space. For the boys from Peris this is a big change. They are moving far away from any friends and family they may have to a small farming village. While Peris is not a large city the kids are used to having more conveniences and being able to travel about more easily.

There are three boys from the Peris orphanage that will be in the transition program: Nicu Cociu, Nicu Perghel, and Marian Stefan. Marian Stefan came down to the house on Tuesday as he had to finalize some things at his previous job. There are two boys from Rosiuri de Vede: Sorin and his brother Dani, and one boy from the boys orphanage in Alexandria: Cristi. Please pray for them as they learn to live and work together and experience the joy of being part of the Heart to Heart family.

Dani, Nicu C., Isabela, Nicu P., Cristi, and Sorin

After we had lunch and brief meeting in Nenculesti we took Isabela, who is from Rosiuri, up the girls transition apartment in the city. Isa has waited a long time to join our program and we are excited to have her finally become a part of our family!

Tuesday we began our school year ministry in the orphanages. This year I have taken over leading the large group classes at both Peris and Voluntari. Last year these classes were called Character Classes but this year we have changed them to Life Skills groups. The kids will be learning how to behave appropriately, interact socially, and express their emotions in a healthy way. The two classes that we held yesterday at Voluntari went really well. The kids were attentive and excited and contributed in meaningful ways to the class. I pray that they will continue to learn these valuable skills and grow into the person that God has envisioned for them.

Today (Wednesday) I will start meeting with kids one on one for counseling sessions. I am excited as this year I'm incorporating some groups for our teenagers. I pray that all the kids will be receptive to what I have to share with them and that God's love would pour through me into their lives.

Tomorrow (Thursday) I will run two large Life Skills groups at Peris and Friday I may be able to have some one on one sessions at Voluntari.

This year is looking to be a busy one but I am excited to see how God will move in the lives of our kids! Pray for me as I take on more responsibilities this year and that I will feel confident and comfortable in this position.

Bring on 2016!

So, I realize that for the entire month of December I was MIA from my blog. I don't know what to say except that December was this weird vortex of craziness that I may never emerge from...but I mean that in a good way.

My girl Denisa and I.

A lot went down in December...I finished my language lessons, I learned to drive standard, I moved 1.5 times (it's kind of hard to explain...), I helped deliver a lot of Christmas presents, I taught Youth Group in Romanian, I celebrated Christmas...and that's just the quick and dirty summary. I suggest we just start anew with January and I'll try to be a better blogger.

Love to see Daniel in a happy, none-tantrum-throwing mood.

Right now I'm in a really good head space. I love my job. I love Romania. I love the kids. I'm excited about 2016. This will be the year I finally get down to my ideal weight (and stay there), find love, blog more, and learn to enjoy cleaning house (ok, so my goals are a little lofty...maybe really lofty...). Ok, so if none of those things happen I'll still be fine. But seriously, I've felt really good the last few weeks even though I have been insanely busy. Actually insane doesn't begin to cover it but that's the best word I could come up with for the moment (this is what lack a lack of sufficient, quality sleep will do to a person).

Robi looking quite grown up with his Christmas presents.

Right now we are in the midst of hosting our Holiday Team. We've done some orphanage visits, handed out some gifts, and today we had a little "spectacol" ("show") where the kids danced and did skits. I was in my happy place this afternoon riding in the back of the van with some of the girls from the orphanage piled on top of me, holding my hands, and napping on my shoulder. I've had some awesome moments of just holding kids in my arms lately and there's nothing I love more than just snuggling with a kid.

Marian and I.

I hope that your 2016 started with you being in a good head space too. I'm praying that it continues and that this new year holds more kid snuggles and full hearts. And maybe a little more sleep.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I wrote this yesterday morning (June 25th) but didn't get the chance to post it until today. Apologies...

Today is my birthday and I'm turning 32. When I turned 30 I had a feeling this was going to be the best decade of my life. So far it seems to be headed in that direction.

Professionally, I feel like I have finally found my calling. I love mental health therapy. I love working with the most troubled kiddos. For almost two and half years I worked at a job that I really enjoyed, even though there were times it got pretty tough. In less than a week I will be following my calling even further to Romania where I will be in the trenches with orphaned and abandoned kids almost every single day and I can't wait.

Spiritually, I feel like I'm tracking pretty well with God (though we can always do better, right?). I have setbacks but I have really seen God do some awesome things in my life. I feel peace and joy in my spirit that weren't there five or six years ago. I am more grateful than I ever have been for God's saving grace. I'm still learning lessons but I feel like I get the lesson quicker and I experience restoration in my relationship with God immediately, a feeling that I struggled to find, sometimes for months or years, in the past. These are things that I have wrestled with over the years and I feel like, maybe, I'm finally starting to get the picture.

I have had the joy of spending the last 3 years building closer relationships with my family members. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents. I've gotten to spend more time with my grandparents than in many years past. I have an awesome nephew who inspires me to be a better person. I have amazing kids who continue to grow and change in ways that five years ago I never thought possible.

My sweet nephew hanging out with me on my bed.

My Iuli, who is awesome.

My Ionut, who is also awesome.

My girls, Catalina and Albina...also awesome.

My George...you guessed it, another awesome kid!

My Mirela, truly an awesome girl.

As I look ahead to the next year I'm filled with excitement. I'm so thankful to my family and friends for letting me go be a mom to my kids on a daily basis for awhile. I'm grateful to God for the huge blessings He has given me over the last year. I'm ready to tackle the next challenge and see where life takes me. Yesterday, I moved 20 huge boxes of donations for my nonprofit from one storage unit to another all by myself. Then I went to an indoor trampoline center and bounced with my little cousins for two hours. At the end of the day I felt strong, not old (well, until this morning when I woke up with shoulder and neck pain, then I felt a little bit old). I want to always be able to play soccer when my kids ask me to. I want to be able to go swimming in the summer for hours at a time. I want to run and jump and kiss and hug and flip and climb trees if that's what's needed to show my kids and my nephew that I love them.

This is everything I moved by myself.

Playing soccer last year with my kids.

So, happy birthday to me! Here's to another beautiful year full of new and exciting experiences, growth, and love.

A Different Kind of Day

Normally on the day after Christmas I would be doing something much different than what I am. Normally I would be rushing around throwing last minute items into suitcases, trying to put a few more gifts into nooks and crannies, packing another pair of wool socks, and getting prepared to head out to the airport for 14+ hours of travel halfway around the world to my second home, Romania. Today is different though. I'm not doing any of those things. For the first time in 4 years I'm sitting in my pajamas, knitting, and watching movies. I'm torn. My heart wants desperately to be with my kids. I want to see my friends and tramp through muddy snow and hand out Christmas gifts and get snotty noses rubbed on my sleeve. At the same time, I want to enjoy my family and friends. I want to enjoy my time off and relax and reset so that when I have to head back to work I can keep a somewhat clear frame of mind. I know that 2015 is bringing big changes to my life and that one day I will look back and realize that not spending 10 days with my little ones is nothing at all in comparison to what day to day life will be like. But, for right now, I'm feeling bummed. A bit sad. A little lost and pretty upset. I have already let the kids know but I wonder if they feel any disappointment. If it even comes close to the disappointment I feel. Anyways, I'm having all the feels and I hope that you will be a little understanding of me at this time as I try to process everything that is going on in my life right now.

Heading out (Christmas 2012)

I Think They Know in Their Hearts

I'm always amazed each time I go to Romania which kids end up being drawn to me and me to them. Sometimes I end up spending time with kids I have known for a long time but who drift in and out of their interest in being with me. Sometimes I spend time with kids I hardly know at all. And, of course, there are some kids I always spend time with.

Of all the places we visit I'm always most interested to see how my time at Voluntari will go. The orphanage is full of younger kids so they are less likely to remember me from visit to visit. This time I ended up being with one little boy, Alberto, quite a bit, especially during our second week.

I actually knew Alberto from the time he first arrived at the orphanage. I distinctly remember him because he was one of the only kids there who was still in diapers. He was such a little cutie with his big eyes and chubby little cheeks!

Making crafts (Summer 2012)

At the pool party (Summer 2012)

Swinging (Summer 2012)

Alberto was around the other times that I went (though I seem to lack much photographic evidence of such) and I'm sure that I spent a little time with him here and there but, overall, we haven't had a whole lot of interactions. Little Alberto got integrated into the 30 plus "grădiniță" (preschool and kindergarten aged kids) at Voluntari.

Getting Christmas presents (Winter 2012/2013)

Sitting with Ms. Cherri (Winter 2013/2014)

Front and center (in the blue stripes) to show off his snowflake craft (Winter 2013/2014)

I hate to say that Alberto got lost in the crowd but as a very quiet and very well behaved (relative to all his peers of course) little boy he sometimes got overlooked for the kids who were running in circles, climbing on the tables, and yelling at the top of their lungs. But this time around, he picked me.

I spent one day playing a little on the playground with him (I think I took an interest in his trucks or something like that) and from then on he would find me. He'd stick out his little hand and I'd take it and we'd be on our way.

At outdoor worship time the day we decided to be best buds.

I can't explain why some kids decide after all the years, after all the visits, after all the time why they are ready to let you into their little world.

The Day of 100 Selfies (literally...he took over 120 pictures sitting on my lap one afternoon).

I don't know if Alberto really remembered me from all the visits before. I don't know if any of the little kids do. But I do believe that God helps them remember in their hearts if not in their heads.

Processing

For the last 2 weeks I have been in Romania (as you might remember me mentioning). I had initially gone with every intention of blogging while I was there. But I really couldn't put to words what I was feeling. Now that I'm home, the real processing will start. Over the next few weeks I'm going to try and share what was on my heart and my mind while I was away. The stories will likely not go in the order that they occurred but I don't think that will matter in the long run. I will also post some of these stories on the Walking With Orphans page as well (which you should check out...I've started a new campaign for future trips and you can buy a shirt to help support me...there's even a video, with music!). I hope that you will enjoy hearing about my time in Romania and my heart for those kiddos.

What Do You Say?

Today one of my younger clients asked me an honest and innocent question:

Do you have boys are girls?

Hmmm...how to answer that.

Be still my heart...

I have both but they don't live here with me. They live on the other side of the world. (The truth but very hard for a 6 year old to understand.)

I love that smile!

I don't have any kids. (According to the federal government this is the truth but try telling my heart that.)

My lovely pre-teens.

Yes...no...:::awkwardly changing the subject:: (Just weird...)

This one keeps me on my toes.

What did I tell her:

I have both.

And that was all. No lengthy explanation. Just the truth, straight from my heart.

This is by far the toughest question I get asked. Kids are more likely to just take what you tell them and go with it. Adults want proof. You've got kids? Where are their pictures? Why don't you have soccer gear in the back of your car? How many? No father? They seem a little old...how old are you exactly?

Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't slap one of those stick figure families on the back of my car just to save time. That's like the suburban trophy of family-dom.

The life of the missionary mama...The struggle is real, ya'll.

Grief From the Missionary Mama's Perspective

After I first went to Romania I truly grieved from my children. I grieved for a lot of things they didn't have. I still grieve for the deep, soul crushing things they have suffered and the love they have missed out on. But sometimes I grieve for random things.

Yesterday, I grieved over book fairs.

Yep, book fairs.

I grieved because, in my heart of hearts, I want my kids to experience the thrill of a book fair.

The sudden realization of this loss lead to other realizations about my children's education. They will never ride the school bus to school.

They will never pack their bookbags in expectation of a new school day. I will never check "Friday Folders" or fill out field trip slips. They will never experience the school cafeteria or recess.

They won't get to try out for a school sports team. They won't go to prom or homecoming. There will be no parent/teacher conferences. No standardized testing. No graduation ceremony with caps and gowns.

Yes, my kids have had some good educational experiences thanks to some wonderful people who pour into their lives daily. But that doesn't change the fact that they will never have the "normal" experiences I want them to. I know that my idea for the "perfect" childhood experience isn't necessarily what's best for my kids. I know that they don't know what they are missing out on. And that, even if they did know, they might not want that experience. I get that.

But when you are a missionary mama sometimes you just want to give your kids a book fair.

2.5 Hours

On Monday school started in Romania. And my boys came back to the orphanage.

Iulian, me, Florin, and George. My little boys have grown into men!

For about 2 and half hours I watched them play soccer, let them take pictures with my camera, helped them open their presents, and played cards together

This mama's heart is happy again.

Who Have I Become?

The internet at the house has been super slow ever since New Years so there may be a few posts that are a little older making their way up here slowly but surely.

On New Year's Day we took presents to a severe special needs orphanage. The first time I went I was totally overwhelmed. I just stood there rubbing a little girl’s hands and crying. The kids are sweet and the conditions are ok there (no worse or better than anywhere else in my opinion) but seeing all those children rocking, screaming, biting their hands, and salivating was a little much for me. I have always said it was the hardest ministry related thing that I have ever done.

The next time I came I was better prepared but I still had this distance towards the kids. I’ve always commended people who feel like they are called to adopt or work with children who have severe special needs. But I always felt like that was for them, not me.

And then I meet Mirela.

Mirela is probably one of the more “normal” looking children from the outside. She is super thin but has good teeth and hair and a sweet, sweet face. One of the workers told us that she had been in foster care and had just been returned to the orphanage about a year ago. Mirela held my hand and waited patiently for her present then showed me everything she got excitedly. She really liked the hair ties and plastic rings. We played “beauty shop” for several minutes while Elena and I put in little pig tails and took pictures each step of the way. Afterwards we tried to talk with Mirela a little and that’s when her needs became obvious. She didn’t know her age or how long she had been in the orphanage or where she had come from. I think she knew that she had a sister at Voluntari (which the staff had already told me) but I don’t know how much else she was capable of understanding. Mirela will never get to go to school or have a job. She will likely not be placed in another foster family. Now that she is at the severe special needs orphanage she will be forgotten in the system. Out of sight, out of mind.

How could you not love this precious face so full of joy?!?!

As I left all I could think about is what will happen to Mirela. If she was in a loving family she might be able to learn simple tasks so she could have some sort of independence. She could never live on her own but she might be able to have a job or go to a special school. Most importantly I could see Mirela thriving in a loving family. She would bring so much joy to anyone who gave her attention. In fact, because she had spent time with a foster family I think she was better off than many of the kids there. She had some social skills that others in her orphanage lack.

Giving some love to this sweet little girl.

Of all the children I have meet I feel a real sense of urgency in getting Mirela out of the orphanage.

On a Weekend in Romania

Saturday was our first full day in Romania. Mom had orientation in the morning so I helped cook lunch. After lunch we went out to Peris. This is the orphanage where my boys live. Iulian and George had gone home for Christmas break (as you will recall) but Ionut was there and Mom got to meet him.

Mom and Ionut

Because Iulian and George were not there some of the other kids who don't usually get the chance to hang out with me spent much of the day sitting on my lap and chatting with me. Alina grabbed me first thing and began talking with me and showing me everything.

Alina and I

But of course I did spend some time with my boy :)

Love him!

Sunday marked our second full day in Romania. We started by heading to the baby hospital after breakfast. I don't usually go to the baby hospital because I'm out at the other orphanages but we had the time and I was glad to go and see the littlest ones. It was very hot in the hospital (not a surprise there) but the nurses were nice and the kids seemed to be doing well. There were only 8 kids there and we had 5 volunteers (plus another lady from another organization was there) so there was almost one on one contact with the babies. They appeared to be doing well with all the attention :) No pictures allowed in the hospital so just imagine me holding a baby while sweating.

After the baby hospital we went to church and then the mall for lunch. Mom got to try her first taste of shawarma.

Best picture of shawarma I could find on the web. [source]

After lunch we went back to the team house and wrote emails, played games with the transition house boys who are staying in the area during Christmas break, and played with one of the "grandbabies" Ruthie. Before we got back, mom, Cherrie, Jen, and I may have made an impromptu trip into the city to look at Christmas lights and find a Starbucks. I can neither confirm nor deny this story :)

Ok, that's all for now. Hopefully I will have some time in the next few days to give a little processing and personal insight into how everything is going.