Saying Good-Bye

Dear friends,

It is with a very heavy heart that I have to tell you that last Wednesday I had to make the extremely difficult and gut wrenching decision to have my sweet kitty, Penelope, put to sleep.

One of my all time favorite pictures of Penelope

Penelope's health issues began last spring when she had a benign lump removed from the inside of her mouth. Unfortunately, before we caught it she had stopped eating and begun to lose weight.

Penelope, the early years...definitely not being defiant.

Penelope enjoyed being in the thick of things...and chewing paper.

She also liked to get into stuff she knew she wasn't supposed to be in.

Things got worse over the summer when Penelope developed an abscessed tooth. Again, we had trouble figuring out for the longest time what was going on (remember the visit to the specialist?) and she had lost more weight.

She was always very "helpful."

And willing to lend a hand.

She didn't quite bounce back from the abscessed tooth removal like I'd hoped. She went on a semi-liquid diet and then a liquid diet. There were multiple rounds of pain meds and antibiotics. Despite my best efforts she continued to lose weight and eating and drinking became more of a struggle as she was obviously still in discomfort. On top of all that, she was getting weaker and weaker.

Penelope loved vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup. I hope she ate a big bowl when she got to Heaven.

After a hair cut.

Deciding to say good-bye to Penelope was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I was truly blessed to have an amazing vet and vet tech who came out to the house so that Penelope was in my lap, on her favorite blanket, holding her Mr. Lobster toy when she passed.

The heartache I have felt over the past week has been crushing at times. Penelope was my constant companion, my best and most loyal friend, my bougie partner in crime, and my baby. She was with me through some of my highest highs and my lowest lows. I will miss her taking up more than her fair share of the bed, trying to get a taste of everything that I'm eating, snuggling each night, and crying loudly for attention.

See what I mean about the bed thing...

Does this face not demand your attention?

The hole she left in my heart will never be filled. No one, animal or human, will ever take her place. One day, though, I hope the edges around the hole will be a little less jagged. The tears a little slower to come. The smiles when thinking about her more frequent.

In Revelation 21 it talks about the New Heaven and New Earth. It talks about how God will wipe every tear from every eye and there will be no more mourning. And then God speaks from the throne and says, "Behold, I am making all things new." (Revelation 21:5, emphasis added). I truly believe this means everything: people, animals, trees, the oceans, the land...everything. I believe that Penelope is waiting for me in Heaven and that she has been made new. And I know I will see her again...just not yet.

Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears,

but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you...

I love you so - 'twas Heaven here with you.

Happy Cat, Tired Mother

Actually, better make that "exhausted mother."

Remember how I thought we had everything with Penelope figured out? Turns out we didn't. On Tuesday night my mom came up to feed her and noticed she was acting weird (licking her face and turning her head). Then she saw that there was blood on the plate of food. Wednesday morning I take Penelope to the vet's office (again) and I find out her sinus has ruptured and she is draining blood and pus FROM A HOLE ON HER FACE. Vet thinks she has an abscessed tooth. Surgery scheduled for that afternoon. Two teeth removed. Cat put on a soft food diet for a week. Today, she is purring, eating bunches, and has more energy than she has had in three weeks. Praise. The. Lord.

Chillin' with my kitty.

This whole experience has left me mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially drained. I think I'm entitled to a little lie down...right?

Third Time's a Charm

This morning I had to take Princess Penelope to the internal medicine specialist.

"I hate you."

As you may remember we have been trying to figure out Penelope's mysterious illness for almost a week now. Initially it was thought to be her kidneys. But her kidneys looked good. Then it was thought it was her liver. But her liver levels were fine. Today it was determined that it is likely her pancreas. Side note: She actually has a really gnarly looking cyst on her liver but the doc said it was actually ok.

Penelope had another ultrasound and an x-ray. She also had bloodwork sent off to determine 100% for sure it is the pancreas. The doctor said the pancreas was enlarged and that many of the symptoms (which are also similar to kidney and liver disease) can be caused by pancreatitis.  She thinks that it is a chronic issue that has been giving her fits in the past (and possibly causing her to lose to weight over the past 2 years). We will know by Tuesday for sure. We should also know how bad things are as well. The doctor put her on a daily pill (Lord help us) so the next challenge will be trying to get her to take that. On Tuesday we should know if anything else is needed (fluids, antibiotics, etc.).

Penelope has spent the rest of her day since coming home walking around, eating, and drinking some cat milk.

She's not 100% back to her old self but hopefully she will be feeling better in a few days.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers! Hopefully the worst is behind us and we can focus on managing the pain and other issues for many looooong years.

Kitty Follow Up

Kitty Update: July 13, 2014

Photo from the patient's file.

Got a call from the vet today. Penelope's kidney levels are slightly elevated. Given her breed, the vet thinks that Penelope might have cysts on her kidneys and one may have ruptured throwing her whole system off. The condition is manageable but we need to pinpoint that this is the issue. Penelope is going back to the vet's early tomorrow morning to have an ultrasound.

I know that a cat seems like a small thing but I believe that God put me in protection of her little life and I intend to do just that. She has been my faithful companion and truest (albeit, most barf prone) friend since she decided to adopt me six years ago. I realize that many people are going through much bigger things and I get that. This blog is about transparency and right now I'm stressed to the max about the one little animal I've been put in charge of on a day to day basis.

So yeah, she's a big deal to me.

I'm praying that tomorrow Penelope will behave for her ultrasound. I'm praying that the vet will clearly be able to see what's wrong and that this will be something that Penelope can bounce back from quickly and we can manage easily for a long, long time. I'm praying that there aren't a whole lot of other cysts and that if one did rupture that it's not too big and nasty as to cause lots of pain for long periods of time.

Again, if you think I'm being ridiculous...I get it. To some people their pets are just that, pets. But I've been raised to care for God's creation in a loving and gentle manner and we've always treated our pets like part of the family. And God has intrusted us with some pretty difficult creatures (we had a dog and a cat with kidney disease and a cat with a heart murmur...this is all familiar territory for us). I fully believe though that He gave us these animals because without us they would have suffered. And no creature deserves to live that way.

Poor Penelope

Dear friends, I'm struggling. My kitty, the Queen of Bougie-ness, my constant companion, my baby, Penelope, is not feeling well.

Penelope in better times.

It started with a few signs that I wrote off: not waking me up in the middle of the night, drinking lots more water than usual, not crying for me at the top the stairs, peeing a lot more, not eating her cat treats...but then it took a turn for the worse. She completely stopped eating and spent two whole days in the back of my closet. By the time I took her to the vet on Saturday she hadn't eaten in almost two days and she was so tired and lethargic that she didn't even hiss or complain while the vet did a head to toe exam.

The good (bad?) news is that nothing is obviously and apparently wrong with her. No sores in her mouth (which she has had before), her heart murmur is not too bad (still low grade), no obstructions, no lumps, the toenail she lost last week is growing back well with no signs of infection, no temperature...the vet took blood work and I should know by Monday the results.

At this point I don't know what to hope and pray for. Do I want the blood work to come back showing nothing (and be happy that she doesn't have something long term and chronic)? Do I want it to come back telling me she has diabetes, kidney disease, or thyroid problems (so at least I can pinpoint what is wrong and start to treat that)? I would take the first option over the second if she would just start eating again. Then I would know that things aren't *too* bad yet. But if she doesn't start eating and the blood work comes back clean then we are at square one and we have to run more tests.

Chill-maxin' at the old apartment.

I know that this is one of those "trust in God" moments. But as a "parent" I want to make things all better. I want to fix the problem. Side note: If this is how I am with a cat imagine how I am with my kids. But I can't. I can't get her to talk to me and tell me what's wrong. I can't force her to eat (well, technically I can but I don't think it would be pretty). I just have to wait and pray.