Today I received an interesting friend request on Facebook. The person was someone who I had a falling out with several years ago. They betrayed my trust and I have rarely spoken to them since the incident. This friend request brought up a long struggle I have had with forgiveness.
I have often tried to wrap my head around forgiveness with little success. I know that I should forgive and I have really tried over the years to let this incident go. I continually tell myself and others that I have forgiven the people involved and I have accepted that they acted in accordance with their personalities (so honestly it shouldn't have come as a surprise to me what they did). But I still have pangs in my heart. I'm hurt by the betrayal of someone I considered a friend and by people that I deeply trusted. I'm hurt by the fact that the people involved acted recklessly with no care for how I felt. Yes, it still stings after all this time to think about it.
One thing I have learned though is that forgiveness is an attitude of the mind not a feeling in my heart. I love this quote from Joyce Meyer:
I did at least give this person the chance to tell me their side of the story following the incident. I called them out and told them how much they had hurt me. Basically they admitted to acting on their own selfish impulse and owned up fully to what happened. They said they were sorry but that was about it. After that conversation there has not been much, if any, contact until now. I think we saw each other once but no real dialogue was exchanged.
All that to say...I don't think I will be adding this person as a friend on Facebook. I have forgiven them but I have not forgotten the hurt they caused and, knowing their personality and that they can, will, and do act according to that personality, I do not feel I could trust them again.
What do you think? Did I do the right thing? What would you have done? Should I add them on Facebook and try to "bury the hatchet"?
P.S. Sorry for being so vague about this incident. I do care enough about the person to not totally air their laundry. Also, the incident was deeply wounding for me and, as cathartic as blogging about incidents such as this can be, I'd rather save it for a face to face convo. Thanks for understanding.