A Different Kind of Day

Normally on the day after Christmas I would be doing something much different than what I am. Normally I would be rushing around throwing last minute items into suitcases, trying to put a few more gifts into nooks and crannies, packing another pair of wool socks, and getting prepared to head out to the airport for 14+ hours of travel halfway around the world to my second home, Romania. Today is different though. I'm not doing any of those things. For the first time in 4 years I'm sitting in my pajamas, knitting, and watching movies. I'm torn. My heart wants desperately to be with my kids. I want to see my friends and tramp through muddy snow and hand out Christmas gifts and get snotty noses rubbed on my sleeve. At the same time, I want to enjoy my family and friends. I want to enjoy my time off and relax and reset so that when I have to head back to work I can keep a somewhat clear frame of mind. I know that 2015 is bringing big changes to my life and that one day I will look back and realize that not spending 10 days with my little ones is nothing at all in comparison to what day to day life will be like. But, for right now, I'm feeling bummed. A bit sad. A little lost and pretty upset. I have already let the kids know but I wonder if they feel any disappointment. If it even comes close to the disappointment I feel. Anyways, I'm having all the feels and I hope that you will be a little understanding of me at this time as I try to process everything that is going on in my life right now.

Heading out (Christmas 2012)