New Year

I truly love days where you are forced to just rest and be still. Today, most shops are closed (or should be), there is no work to rush off to, no obligations to attend to. I'm thankful for this kind of day. They are so very few and far between. I was looking back at what I was doing this time last year and, in some ways, I was much less "busy" then than I am now. I feel a real weight of responsibilities at work that never seem to end and I feel a constant "push" at my back that reminds me the job is never finished. Strangely though, I'm nowhere near as anxious or stressed as I would have been this time last year with this much responsibility hanging over my head. God, in his sovereignty, taught me how to rest in Him and cast off my anxiety in anticipation of this moment. He taught me to sense when work was starting to overwhelm me and to step back and assess rather than get caught up in the moment and be swept away by fear and doubt. While I certainly wish most days that I had another 24 hours to accomplish all that needs to be done, I just do what I can and move on. I'm learning to look at a job and think, "How can this be done more efficiently? Who needs to be trained to help with this task? How can I train them in the way that is most beneficial to me and to them?" I know that learning to think this way is going to serve me well in the future. I look at systems and I see the brokenness. But it's not enough for me to recognize that they system is broken, God has placed a desire in my heart to fix the system and heal the people affected. Through this healing process God's power and goodness are revealed. I only pray that God continues to give me wisdom and guidance because I'm definitely the least qualified for the job!

I praise God that today is a day when I can feel the "push" ease a little. Where I can see that things may never get easier and the burden may never get lighter but that I am getting stronger. I'm so grateful for a moment to rest and be away from the responsibilities, even just for a minute. I pray that God will continue to provide these days throughout this year at just the time I need them.

A Different Kind of Day

Normally on the day after Christmas I would be doing something much different than what I am. Normally I would be rushing around throwing last minute items into suitcases, trying to put a few more gifts into nooks and crannies, packing another pair of wool socks, and getting prepared to head out to the airport for 14+ hours of travel halfway around the world to my second home, Romania. Today is different though. I'm not doing any of those things. For the first time in 4 years I'm sitting in my pajamas, knitting, and watching movies. I'm torn. My heart wants desperately to be with my kids. I want to see my friends and tramp through muddy snow and hand out Christmas gifts and get snotty noses rubbed on my sleeve. At the same time, I want to enjoy my family and friends. I want to enjoy my time off and relax and reset so that when I have to head back to work I can keep a somewhat clear frame of mind. I know that 2015 is bringing big changes to my life and that one day I will look back and realize that not spending 10 days with my little ones is nothing at all in comparison to what day to day life will be like. But, for right now, I'm feeling bummed. A bit sad. A little lost and pretty upset. I have already let the kids know but I wonder if they feel any disappointment. If it even comes close to the disappointment I feel. Anyways, I'm having all the feels and I hope that you will be a little understanding of me at this time as I try to process everything that is going on in my life right now.

Heading out (Christmas 2012)

Self Imposed Time Off

Recently I took a nice, planned, vacation with my parents and a nice, not so planned, break from the blog. I need to make time away from all my obligations and activities so that I don't start to feel overwhelmed by everything. Work had gotten to the point where I was very grouchy and frustrated at the slightest thing so I knew it was time for a little getaway.

Mom, Dad, my Aunt Becky, and I went to Amelia Island for a long weekend. Becky and I drove down on Friday afternoon and came back on Monday afternoon. I didn't take too much time off because I will be leaving for Romania on June 7th and I will need some of that vacation/personal time for then.

The weather at the beach was perfect. Not too hot, a great breeze, and not a cloud in the sky. I spent two days just lounging on the beach, getting sunburned, and reading magazines. It was great.

Dad and I ventured in to the little town of Fernandina Beach on Monday before we left to drive back home and did a little window shopping.

Of course I also made time for some knitting and nearly finished up a pair of socks.

It seems I didn't take a single picture while I was on vacation. The only one I have is one my aunt took the first night we were there.

View from our balcony.

Oh, and this one of a lizard on the hood of our car.

You have to look closely but he's there.

All in all it was a very much needed break. It has been back to work for the last week but I'm already ready for another long weekend (Memorial Day) this weekend.