Reflections

Monday night I had the chance to sit down with one of my friends, Dorothy, and chat about Romania. Dorothy was on staff here for 9 months and it was good to get her insight into a lot of things about missions and ministry and life. She came here to teach music to the kids and started the band program that was carried on for 3 years. Dorothy can remember the exact moment that she decided to come to Romania for an extended period of time. By the time she got off the plane in America she had an entire program planned. Dorothy saw a need here that only she could fill.
As we talked I confessed to her that I didn't share her desire. As much as I want to want to come here and run the band program (since I have experience in teaching music and all) it is not a desire that God has placed on my heart. Strangely enough, I really do not feel strongly like I'm supposed to be here for a super long period of time. Maybe 3 months but not necessarily 3 years. And it's not like I'm not open to staying here for a long time. I would love to! But the desire, the calling from God, is not there. As I told Dorothy last night, I haven't found an itch that I feel like only I can scratch here in Romania.

At least, not yet.

Do I feel like I'm called to be here for Iulian and George and Ionut? Yes. I feel like I'm here for the long haul with them. But I'm not sure that it means packing my bags and being here 24/7. Maybe because ministry is more complicated than just being here for 3 or 4 or even 50 kids. It's about programing and managing hundreds of children and creating curriculum and cleaning and working. It's about parenting but about more than parenting. Needless to say I'm feeling a little confused and muddled. I want my heart and my head to want the same thing. I want some type of desire that says, "Sell it all! Move to Romania!" but, at least for today, it's not coming.