A Lesson in Life

Today I got schooled by God...not always a good thing. Let me begin back at this morning...

I woke up early because I had to go to the doctor to get blood drawn. My Sleep Cycle app confirmed my fears, I'd slept like crap last night.

Yep, quality at 45%. Sounds about right.

I got ready and left the house only 15 minutes later than I wanted. A quick stop at the doctor's and I was off to put gas in my car and then run by Wal-Mart and pick up some thank you notes I'd ordered.

I arrive at Wal-Mart at about 9:15 and head back to the photo center. The nice associate looks for my cards in the stack and can't find them. She apologizes and looks in a few more places. No cards. She goes to check the computer but the system is off line and she can't look up my order. I'm getting a little hacked because this isn't the first time this has happened (they've lost my order before). I thank the girl for her help and sulk out of the store.

The longer I think about this the more upset I get. So, I take to social media and blast Wal-Mart via Twitter. I correspond with two customer service people via Wal-Mart's Twitter feed and they send me an email address to contact them at. I jump on my computer tonight prepared to write a nice little snarky letter. As I'm typing my email I'm looking at the email that Wal-Mart sent with my confirmation. And then I see it: the address to the store. Instead of saying Centerville (where I stopped today and where I usually shop) it says Snellville. I hit the link and, sure enough, it takes me a map of the Wal-Mart across town from the one where I went this morning. I had gone to the wrong store.

I know when to admit that I'm wrong. I ate crow and posted a lame apology on Twitter. Whatever the customer service team at Wal-Mart has to say about me is totally justified. I was out of line. I spoke without thinking. I let my emotions run unchecked. It was wrong. And that was when the lesson hit me...I need to learn to check and double check before I get angry because, if I don't, my anger may not be justified. If Wal-Mart had really lost my order then I might have a reason to get upset. But when I'm an idiot and don't look at the store where I'm sending my order and then go to the wrong store for pick up, then my anger isn't justified and I have no one to blame but myself.

Also, I need better/more sleep so that I'm not so quick to grouch. But that's a secondary lesson.

If I end up on some Buzzfeed article next week I can't say I didn't deserve it.

Saying Good-Bye

Dear friends,

It is with a very heavy heart that I have to tell you that last Wednesday I had to make the extremely difficult and gut wrenching decision to have my sweet kitty, Penelope, put to sleep.

One of my all time favorite pictures of Penelope

Penelope's health issues began last spring when she had a benign lump removed from the inside of her mouth. Unfortunately, before we caught it she had stopped eating and begun to lose weight.

Penelope, the early years...definitely not being defiant.

Penelope enjoyed being in the thick of things...and chewing paper.

She also liked to get into stuff she knew she wasn't supposed to be in.

Things got worse over the summer when Penelope developed an abscessed tooth. Again, we had trouble figuring out for the longest time what was going on (remember the visit to the specialist?) and she had lost more weight.

She was always very "helpful."

And willing to lend a hand.

She didn't quite bounce back from the abscessed tooth removal like I'd hoped. She went on a semi-liquid diet and then a liquid diet. There were multiple rounds of pain meds and antibiotics. Despite my best efforts she continued to lose weight and eating and drinking became more of a struggle as she was obviously still in discomfort. On top of all that, she was getting weaker and weaker.

Penelope loved vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup. I hope she ate a big bowl when she got to Heaven.

After a hair cut.

Deciding to say good-bye to Penelope was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I was truly blessed to have an amazing vet and vet tech who came out to the house so that Penelope was in my lap, on her favorite blanket, holding her Mr. Lobster toy when she passed.

The heartache I have felt over the past week has been crushing at times. Penelope was my constant companion, my best and most loyal friend, my bougie partner in crime, and my baby. She was with me through some of my highest highs and my lowest lows. I will miss her taking up more than her fair share of the bed, trying to get a taste of everything that I'm eating, snuggling each night, and crying loudly for attention.

See what I mean about the bed thing...

Does this face not demand your attention?

The hole she left in my heart will never be filled. No one, animal or human, will ever take her place. One day, though, I hope the edges around the hole will be a little less jagged. The tears a little slower to come. The smiles when thinking about her more frequent.

In Revelation 21 it talks about the New Heaven and New Earth. It talks about how God will wipe every tear from every eye and there will be no more mourning. And then God speaks from the throne and says, "Behold, I am making all things new." (Revelation 21:5, emphasis added). I truly believe this means everything: people, animals, trees, the oceans, the land...everything. I believe that Penelope is waiting for me in Heaven and that she has been made new. And I know I will see her again...just not yet.

Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears,

but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you...

I love you so - 'twas Heaven here with you.

New Year

I truly love days where you are forced to just rest and be still. Today, most shops are closed (or should be), there is no work to rush off to, no obligations to attend to. I'm thankful for this kind of day. They are so very few and far between. I was looking back at what I was doing this time last year and, in some ways, I was much less "busy" then than I am now. I feel a real weight of responsibilities at work that never seem to end and I feel a constant "push" at my back that reminds me the job is never finished. Strangely though, I'm nowhere near as anxious or stressed as I would have been this time last year with this much responsibility hanging over my head. God, in his sovereignty, taught me how to rest in Him and cast off my anxiety in anticipation of this moment. He taught me to sense when work was starting to overwhelm me and to step back and assess rather than get caught up in the moment and be swept away by fear and doubt. While I certainly wish most days that I had another 24 hours to accomplish all that needs to be done, I just do what I can and move on. I'm learning to look at a job and think, "How can this be done more efficiently? Who needs to be trained to help with this task? How can I train them in the way that is most beneficial to me and to them?" I know that learning to think this way is going to serve me well in the future. I look at systems and I see the brokenness. But it's not enough for me to recognize that they system is broken, God has placed a desire in my heart to fix the system and heal the people affected. Through this healing process God's power and goodness are revealed. I only pray that God continues to give me wisdom and guidance because I'm definitely the least qualified for the job!

I praise God that today is a day when I can feel the "push" ease a little. Where I can see that things may never get easier and the burden may never get lighter but that I am getting stronger. I'm so grateful for a moment to rest and be away from the responsibilities, even just for a minute. I pray that God will continue to provide these days throughout this year at just the time I need them.

Reasons

As I mentioned in my last post, this is the first time in 4 years that I have not boarded a plane for Romania immediately after Christmas. There were two main reasons why I didn't go this year. The first was that I'm trying to save money. I have some big plans for the spring and I'm trying to funnel my fundraising efforts into that. The second is that my sister-in-law was due to deliver my nephew (my first!) on Jan. 9. Since I don't get back from Romania until Jan. 7 that would have been cutting it close. Plus, the closer we got to Christmas the less likely it seemed she would actually make it to Jan. Low and behold...

Baby Levi Harold is here! He arrived right smack in the middle of the afternoon (12:16 p.m. to be exact) on Sunday, December 28.

Little man weighed in at 5 lbs. 14 oz. and was 19 3/4" long. And, yes, he has blonde hair!

Levi and daddy

It's a little surreal seeing my "baby" brother with a baby of his own but I couldn't be happier for him and my sister-in-law.

At home with mommy

This is one proud Auntie and I'm so glad that I was here to love on him in his first moments of life.

Welcome to the world, little Bubby! Aunt Melissa loves you!

A Different Kind of Day

Normally on the day after Christmas I would be doing something much different than what I am. Normally I would be rushing around throwing last minute items into suitcases, trying to put a few more gifts into nooks and crannies, packing another pair of wool socks, and getting prepared to head out to the airport for 14+ hours of travel halfway around the world to my second home, Romania. Today is different though. I'm not doing any of those things. For the first time in 4 years I'm sitting in my pajamas, knitting, and watching movies. I'm torn. My heart wants desperately to be with my kids. I want to see my friends and tramp through muddy snow and hand out Christmas gifts and get snotty noses rubbed on my sleeve. At the same time, I want to enjoy my family and friends. I want to enjoy my time off and relax and reset so that when I have to head back to work I can keep a somewhat clear frame of mind. I know that 2015 is bringing big changes to my life and that one day I will look back and realize that not spending 10 days with my little ones is nothing at all in comparison to what day to day life will be like. But, for right now, I'm feeling bummed. A bit sad. A little lost and pretty upset. I have already let the kids know but I wonder if they feel any disappointment. If it even comes close to the disappointment I feel. Anyways, I'm having all the feels and I hope that you will be a little understanding of me at this time as I try to process everything that is going on in my life right now.

Heading out (Christmas 2012)

Accidental Hiatus

It would seem I have dropped off the face of the Earth for the last month or so. Nothing could be farther from the truth however. Unfortunately, I had gotten into an unhealthy cycle of waking up late, rushing to get ready for work, working like a mad woman all day (including, most days, through lunch), coming home and working more or being so tired I would just sit around and watch T.V. until bed time. Not terribly exciting or productive. The blog isn't the only thing I have been neglecting though. My quiet time, exercise routine, and knitting have all gotten put on the back burner as well. I realized earlier this week that I need to work on getting that work/life balance back in check. I know that, naturally, certain times of the year will be busier than others but I feel that the work part of life is starting to take over. It's not that I needed to put in a few hours one weekend to get caught up...it's that I have to work *every* weekend in order to get caught up. Not good. Anyways...the struggle continues...

In other news...I *finally* finished all the knitting for my kids' Christmas gifts (remember I started on these back in November) and sent them off yesterday. I'm praying they reach the kids by Christmas. One of those is a gift for M. who lives at the severe special needs orphanage. If the present is late in getting there she may have to wait awhile to get it since Heart to Heart (who will be delivering the gifts) doesn't go there as frequently as the other orphanages. I have a lot of emotions about not seeing the kids at Christmas this year so I think another blog post may be in order to process all that.

My allotted 15 minutes for blogging is up so I must be off to get ready for work. Hopefully, I will be back, with pictures!, soon.

Let Me Catch My Breath

Ever since I got back from my vacation it has been absolutely non-stop. Work has been the usual craziness but the weekends have been a special kid of crazy.

The first Saturday that I was back I had a play therapy training in the morning and a friend's wedding that afternoon.

Sandtray from the play therapy training.

Albert and Haley's Walking Dead themed ceremony.

On Sunday I hosted a baby shower for my sister-in-law.

The cake.

Brandi gets very excited about gifts.

This past weekend has been just as busy. This past Saturday I got my hair cut, had a Romanian lesson, and went to a farewell party for two of my friends who are moving to Costa Rica with their daughters to be missionaries.

Baby monitors!

Sunday was another baby shower in Marietta. This one was co-ed so my brother got to come/participate as well.
Needless to say, by Sunday afternoon I'm exhausted. And, for some reason, everyday I come home and want to do nothing more than go to bed. *But*...I decided to knit a bunch of Christmas gifts, gifts the need to be shipped actually, and I really need to get them finished in...oh...about 2 weeks. So, I've been trying to find the energy to knit at least a little bit before bed every day.

With the holidays coming up, family dinners/parties, another baby shower, and still needing to shop for Christmas presents I'm probably going to be a little busy for the next month or so. And more than a little tired.